And I know you have heard that not one sparrow falls to the ground without the Father knowing. And yet, still they fall.
People are like that too and we fall and hit the concrete and are at times irreparably broken. And He sees, and yet still we fall.
So before you further wound the broken by spewing formulaic solutions, please realize those words were meant to be an expression of his love for us, not of his guaranteed healing. Some things take time. And that is ok.
And I know I’ve found it helpful to remember, that when I find myself weeping over injustice, over hatred, over hurt, God is weeping too.
So when you find yourself screaming at the deaf city skyline, spitting your words out like poison, remember the voice of God doesn’t always sound they way you’d expect it to.
Sometimes it sounds more like the soft tears of a brokenhearted lover, than the raging wrath you’ve been listening for.
And I know you’ve asked a lot of questions and this just seems like the logical conclusion of the matter.
But it’s ridiculous to think God will ever be something small enough to comprehend.
I really don’t know many things anymore, but I do know that I’ve never been able to find God in logic, because He’s always been outside of it. Don’t let your intellectualism keep you from truth.
And I know people say knowledge is power, but let me tell you why that is. Knowledge modifies attitudes, and changed attitude means changed behavior.
The entire world can be changed by people taking action based on what they know. So of course knowledge is power.
So often we claim to know Christ, but fail to change in response to Him. And so often I look at my life and realize that even the little areas I fail to entrust to Jesus, are evidence that I’m not allowing my knowledge of Him translate into the power it takes to live for Him.
And I know life is funny, in that it can change just as fast, if not faster, than the weather here. Brilliantly sunny and gorgeous one minute, pouring rain the next.
I become so anxious over such little things because I like living a controlled life where I know the outcome of every choice I make and how it will affect me ten years from now.
But if, as Emerson posited, a persons opinion of the world is also a confession of their character, then maybe my opinions about the future should be grounded in my trust that God knows what He’s doing; not what makes me comfortable.
And I know with everyone leaving like this, it’s easy to look at the pictures and think you’ve been replaced.
I always tell myself “you won’t have to change friends if you understand and remember that friends change.”
Life doesn’t stop for anyone, but growing up doesn’t have to mean growing apart. Call them. Get coffee with them. Put aside your insecurities long enough to remember that they love you with all their heart, even if their heart is far away.
And I know I absorbed cynicism, fear, and doubt, in high school, the way I absorbed sunshine, dirt, and sweat at eight.
I sometimes become acutely aware of how jaded I really am.
Dostoyevsky wrote “Destroy my desires, eradicate my ideals, show me something better, and I will follow you.” And that would be my prayer as I leave this part of my life behind me. God, show me something better, and I will follow you.